it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
