Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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