my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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