i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
