Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
