hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
