Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
