dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love having hate sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
