If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
