I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
