I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
