I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
