I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
