we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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