How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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