He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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