sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
