I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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