Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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