FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize