i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
