omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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