Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
