I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
