u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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