i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
