do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
