...so i touched it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
