Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
