my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize