Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want to fling myself into the sun
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
