Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
