one two three fourrrrnication!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
