The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
