He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
