i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
