I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
