did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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