yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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