Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
