I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
