I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
