This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
