I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
