Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
