I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
