Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
