Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
