So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
