I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
