The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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