I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
