The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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