If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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