We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
