that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
