What did we do last night that was yellow?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
