Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
