I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
