I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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