His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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