my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
