I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
