Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The struggles of a small town man whore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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