you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
