dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
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you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
don't judge my taste in strippers
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